Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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