You can't motorboat a personality
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
