need another drink. this is the easiest way
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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