then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
two words: eviction party
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
