omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
