I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize