Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize