I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
