Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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