You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
