bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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