If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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