Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize