Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
