I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
