no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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