It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
