grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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