Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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