I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
