this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
