Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize