oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
