You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
