It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
