There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
