"it" just moved
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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