The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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