You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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