That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
