my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize