i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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