Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
