Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
