ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
