Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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