i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
