Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
