I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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