I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So many bounce houses so little time
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
