I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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