there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
