He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
