Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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