you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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