Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
