awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
