Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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