WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
