Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
