Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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