if i died would you start the facebook group?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
