I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
