i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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