Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
