Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
