If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
