So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
