FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Acid is not a monday night drug
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
