i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
