You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
