yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
