I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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