.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
