His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize