And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
