i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
we should paint friendship bongs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
