I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
