dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
