i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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