i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How does one acquire holy water?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
