the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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