Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
