he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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