Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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