Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
