I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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